Yuth Neary
By Ruth and Jonathan Clemens
Kampong Speu
Our family of six headed west out of Phnom Penh with our Cambodian driver, to the province of Kampong Speu. Carla was in the front seat looking ahead to her first trip back to her birth village. We stopped at the market along Highway 4 and asked for directions. We drank French café-au-lait in a small restaurant while the rain pounded on the tin roof. Finally the rain subsided. We wound our way on back dirt roads through several villages until arriving at her peaceful birthplace. This was June 2011. Carla was 22 years old.
In August 1989, in this same village, a beautiful Cambodian woman gave birth to a baby girl in Trapeang Kraloeng Village, Ouk Dor Meanchey District, Kampong Speu Province, Cambodia. The birth was a difficult one, and the mother died in childbirth, as was all too common in Cambodia at that time. The difficult birth caused the baby’s neck muscle to be damaged, a condition called torticollis. The mother was likely being aided by a village health worker called a traditional birth attendant. The baby was also about three weeks premature, and hadn't yet developed her ability to drink liquids and keep them down.
Cambodia was at war within itself, with several Cambodian factions, fighting in the mountains, and along the border with Thailand. Many soldiers from all factions came from Kampong Speu Province. Her father may have been one of those soldiers, and very possibly died in the battle field.
Because her mother didn’t survive the birth to nurture the child, and the family was poor and couldn't afford to buy the milk that the baby needed, they took her to the provincial orphanage in Kampong Speu town. There she continued to languish, and the decision was made to send her to Phnom Penh in hopes that she would survive. It is the custom in Cambodia to not name your child until it is one month old, and you are sure it will survive. So this child was not yet named.
Phnom Penh
Mr. Kang Kak, a family friend from her village, arrived with the baby girl at the Nutrition Center in Phnom Penh on August 18, 1989. The family must have cared very much to go to the effort and expense of sending her to Phnom Penh. So many babies whose mothers die in childbirth are not given this kind of special attention.
A family we visited in her village on our return trip in 2011 told us that in 1989 there was a very bad famine, and several families sent their babies to the orphanage because they couldn’t afford to feed them. This baby was fortunate. Mr. Kang registered the baby with Madame Chan Vaddey, the head mistress of the orphanage in Phnom Penh.
Madame Pok Oeurn (who we were able to track down in 2011) was a loving nurse in the orphanage, and took care of the little girl like she was her own, feeding her slowly and regularly so that she could digest the food properly. But the little girl was weak and malnourished, not able to swallow properly, or hold anything in her little belly. She continued to lose weight. At two weeks old she weighed 1.8 Kg, or 4 pounds. They brought her to the Phnom Penh Hospital.
One week later, we visited the orphanage to begin considering adoption of a baby girl. This baby had just returned from the hospital, and was still having difficulty keeping her milk down. But the doctor in the hospital saw a fighting spirit in her to survive, and so named her Yuth Neary, which means "young woman soldier." This became her official name used in all her documents.
We wanted to adopt a baby girl from the orphanage and were told we had to choose one before we could begin the official process with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. We knew this was risky, getting attached to one particular child, with a good chance that they as U.S. citizens would be turned down by the Cambodian authorities for adoption. No Americans had been allowed to adopt since before 1975. Americans were on the wrong side politically, and it would be a disgrace to allow one of the nation’s children to become an American!
We decided to take the risk and visited the orphanage several times that month of August 1989, always feeling a special drawing toward Yuth Neary. One day, when she was one month old, Ruth was sitting on a mat with the babies and a couple of their nurses. Ruth told Neary's special care nurse, Pok Oeurn, that we were going to ask to adopt Yuth Neary. Oeurn let out a squeal and picked up the baby in her arms, giving her a big hug, and saying, "What a lucky baby you are!" Ruth said, "We will be very lucky if they allowed us to adopt her!"
We sent a letter to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, expressing our interest in adopting Neary, pledging that she would have equal part in our inheritance, and that when she grew older, we would bring her back to get to know her cultural heritage, including a visit to Angkor Watt. Then the long process began.
Hospital
We visited the orphanage every afternoon after work, sometimes feeding Neary. As she got older and the allotted milk wasn't enough, it was difficult to watch her suck her fingers and cry with hunger. We begged the nurses to see that her milk was increased.
In early November, Neary still had terrible diarrhea, and wasn't gaining weight fast enough. They took her to the hospital once more. We visited her there, and were very dismayed to see the situation. There were about 12 babies in the pediatric room, three babies to a crib. A two-year-old boy was walking around the room coughing. The nurse told us that he had pneumonia. Neary had an I.V. stuck in a vein in her forehead. We didn't know if she was going to live or die. But we talked with the doctor to let him know how much we were attached to her and wanted very much for her to get better.
That night Ruth didn't sleep very well, wondering if we could bring her from our hospital to our home where we could probably give her safer care. But we realized that would be a tremendous risk if we did this without government permission. After a week in the hospital, the diarrhea subsided, and she returned to the Nutrition Center.
In early December, Ruth took Neary outside in the courtyard of the orphanage, and sang "Away in a Manger" to her, as the baby strained to lift her head to look at the starry sky above us. She seemed to enjoy being sung to. Ruth was hoping and praying that God would allow Neary to become part of our family.
Cambodian Adoption
In mid-December, Simara, MCC's representative at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, stopped by the MCC Office to have a serious talk with us. She said that they were going to make a decision the next day about Yuth Neary. "What if the answer is "No", then what will you do?" She was trying to prepare us for the worst because there was a very good possibility that they were going to turn us down. We said that we would be very sad and disappointed if the answer was No.
Again, Ruth didn't sleep well that night, praying that God would soften their hearts for a positive response. We went to the MCC office the next day, going about our work with a feeling of dread in our hearts, waiting for word from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
Laure and Daniel Watchter-Robert had also been seeking to adopt a child from the Nutrition Center. Because they had begun the process at the same time, the two files were processed together from beginning to end. Because they were Swiss, the decision to allow Laure and Daniel to adopt was more straightforward (Switzerland wasn’t an enemy of Cambodia as the U.S. was).
Ruth came back from running an errand that morning of December 11, and found a note from Laure on her desk, which read, "The answer is YES!" Ruth was so excited and showed the note to Jonathan, who also got excited. We went onto the front porch of the office, just as Daniel and Laure arrived. Ruth and Laure hugged each other, screamed and jumped up and down. They could hardly believe it! Likely, it helped that the two adoption cases were processed together, because the decision, we figured, had to be the same. And the Cambodian authorities couldn't turn down a Swiss request so they had to say yes to both cases!
Samaki Hotel
We picked up our new baby on Dec. 17, bringing her home to the Samaki Hotel. We decided to name her Carla Neary Clemens. She was the best Christmas gift we could imagine! We told that to anyone who would listen to us. Our friends probably became tired of hearing us say it. We were overjoyed beyond words.
The first thing to learn was how to feed and bathe her….without letting her slip through our hands! Our helper, Madame Pheap was the best teacher we could have. Our cat Harvey enjoyed having new company around.
Carla brought home with her a bad case of scabies….causing intense itching. We treated her with a medication we found in the market made for this condition, covering her all over with the sticky lotion. It seemed to improve and then cure this condition after a few days.
American Adoption
Once we got the assurance that the Cambodian government was going to allow her to be with us, we turned our attention to the American adoption process, sending a letter to the nearest American embassy, in Bangkok, Thailand. A couple of weeks later, we received a letter from the American Consular’s office, Charles Jess, stating that we may as well not even try to adopt a child from Cambodia. At that time, the Cambodian government was under embargo from the U.S. The government was not recognized as a legal government, and therefore any legal documents from Cambodia were not recognized by the U.S. Mr. Jess suggested that we return her to the orphanage immediately. However, we were determined to stick around Cambodia until the adoption process was complete and she was fully our child.
During this time of waiting, in February 1990, we had a visit from Peter Jennings, an American journalist from ABC News. He walked into our apartment at the Samaki Hotel, along with his producer and asked if he could interview us about the situation in Cambodia. We were giving Carla her first feeding of rice porridge, or “bau-bau”. Peter held her on his lap to get acquainted.
Laos
In the meantime, Ruth found out she was pregnant! She went to Bangkok for a check-up in April 1990. Carla at that time had only Cambodian papers and passport. Because there were no diplomatic relations between Thailand and Cambodia, Carla couldn’t enter Thailand. More politics! So, while Ruth was getting her check-up in Bangkok, Jonathan took Carla with him to Laos for a week of vacation. Vientiane was a sleepy kind of a town, unusual for a country’s capital city, and it was a quiet week of father-daughter bonding.
Ruth came through Laos, on her way home from Bangkok. We went to visit the American counselor’s office in Vientiane to see if he would have any advice for us. He thought it was ridiculous that the US Embassy in Bangkok would not even take a look at her case. He kindly sent a letter to the Embassy on our behalf.
One Year Birthday Party
Thailand
In August 1990 Ruth went to Bangkok for the birth of Carla’s new brother, Christopher, who decided to come one month early. Ruth was unable to inform Jonathan and Carla, who were in Cambodia, for a whole week, due to communication difficulties between the two countries.
Once Jonathan finally got word of Christopher’s birth, he obtained permission to travel by car with Carla to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. There they boarded the plane to Bangkok, Thailand.
If Carla would have had a Khmer Rouge passport, her chances of entering Thailand along with Jonathan would have been much easier! But because she had a passport from the Cambodian government of Hun Sen which was not recognized by the U.S., the Thai government wouldn’t let her into their country.
Our MCC administrative assistant, Ravedee, in Bangkok called the Thai passport control, and pleaded our cause with them. Jonathan brought Carla with him to the Bangkok airport. We waited for several hours until they finally let Carla into the country so she could visit her mother. This was a major achievement! Having her in Bangkok also gave us a chance to get her to meet the US Consular at the Embassy, and move our case ahead just a bit more. Finally they gave us a visa to take Carla to the U.S.
Home Study
Once we got the US visa, we were assured that we would be able to get Carla to a judge in the US to finalize the adoption legally in the US. The next step was to navigate a home study. Our friend, Brett Ballard, who worked for the American Friends Service Committee in Phnom Penh, was previously a social worker for the Lutheran Children and Family Services. They allowed him to do a home study for us and submit it to them in Philadelphia. He visited us one time I our home as an “official” home study time, counted on his social and professional relationship with us, and we helped him write up this extensive report. Our “payment” to Brett was an expensive book on Thai politics that he wanted to read!
Home Leave and Final Adoption
In January 1991 we flew to the US for our home leave. Our first stop was Ithaca, NY to stay with Grandma and Grandpa Clemens. Carla enjoyed getting her first experience with snow.
Grandpa Clemens enjoyed singing to Carla while swinging her on his foot so she’d fly high into the air!
A couple weeks later we went to Lancaster, PA, and stayed with Great Grandma and Grandpa Hostetter while we visited the MCC Headquarters office. Great Grandma and Grandpa Hostetter loved playing with Carla and Chris, reading to them, holding them, laughing with them.
During that time we went with our lawyer to the Lancaster County Court house. We went to Lancaster because that had been the last place we had lived before moving to Cambodia. In the court, we had to “witness” to the judge about Carla’s case. When Ruth stated that “Carla was born in the village of Trapeang Kraloeng,” the court recorder who had been typing away furiously, stopped for a moment, not quite sure how he was going to spell that one!
The judge listened to our case, checked out all the paperwork, and seemed genuinely pleased that she could make our adoption final and legal!
On our way back to Cambodia, we stopped for a week in Clearbrook, BC to visit Grandma and Grandpa Keidel. Grandma enjoyed drawing pictures with Carla, and Grandpa loved reading books to Carla and Chris while they listened very attentively!
We soon returned to Cambodia to complete our five year MCC term in Phnom Penh.
Carla’s Favorite Pastimes
One routine that Carla and Chris looked forward to was our Sunday morning cyclo rides around the city of Phnom Penh. We had a regular cyclo driver who would show up at our house at the regular time and we would explore various parts of the city. At the end, we usually ended up at a restaurant for our snack of French fries, spring rolls, and a cold drink.
Carla enjoyed reading books in her reading corner, and singing along with the cassette tapes. Sometimes we would hear her singing at the top of her lungs in her play corner. She also enjoyed lining up her dolls and playing “church”, singing the songs she heard us sing in church every Sunday. Carla enjoyed trying on our clothes, especially Daddy’s big shoes.
Carla enjoyed helping Ta Yon wash the MCC vehicles. We enjoyed swimming together in the Samaki pool. Carla especially enjoyed floating on her back and paddling her feet to make herself move like a paddle boat.
Carla enjoyed playing with her brother, Christopher, telling him secrets sometimes, and squishing him at other times.
She enjoyed taking walks with Chris and Mommy along the banks of the Mekong River where the King’s palace was.
Vietnam Vacations
Vacations in Vietnam were a way to get away as a family without needing to get on a plane. We would travel by car east through Prey Veng and Svay Rieng Provinces into Vietnam, and on to Ho Chi Minh City and the beach at Vung Tau. Vietnam was still relatively underdeveloped for tourists, so the accommodations at the beach were rustic. But we had a good time together, taking walks, enjoying time at the beach, eating good food.
Two Year Birthday Party
We celebrated Carla’s second birthday and Christopher’s first birthday at the Samaki Hotel apartment with the Burmese children who lived next door. These children enjoyed hanging out with Carla and Chris. They would watch movies together, and go with us to the stadium for a run.
Visit from Grandma and Grandpa Clemens
When a second little brother named Andy came along in December 1991, Grandma and Grandpa Clemens came for a visit. They wanted to get better acquainted with their growing grandchildren, including Carla, Christopher and Andrew, and learn about Cambodia. Carla had been only 1½ years old during home leave when they had met for the first time. She became attached to her grandparents quickly. Their six week visit was a time of becoming better acquainted so that when she and her brothers would receive cassette tapes of Grandma reading or talking, or Grandpa singing “The wheels on the bus go round and round. . . . “ she would know exactly who those voices belonged to.
Playing with Andy also became a favorite pastime of Carla’s!
First trip back to Kampong Speu
We were interested in knowing more about the area that Carla came from. In those days we were uncertain about the safety of traveling to that part of Cambodia because of the fighting taking place there. We were also a bit concerned about the possibility of any extended family members changing their mind and contesting that we had the right to keep Carla.
While we were on home leave we asked Bunry, our administrative assistant, to travel to the area of Trapeang Kraloeng with the name of the man who had brought her to Phnom Penh, to see if he could find any family members. He had no luck.
So we decided to make a trip to that area a few weeks before we were to leave Cambodia in 1993. Carla was almost four years old. She knew she was going to her birth village. Ta Yon drove the land cruiser, and led her by the hand through the market and into a restaurant where we talked to some people and asked some questions. At that time there were still land mines in the area, and we were advised to stay on the main road. This made it difficult for us to drive off the main road and explore further where her actual village was. At the same time, we saw many children and young women who had a close resemblance to Carla Neary, so we were confident that this was indeed the village area where she was surrounded by her people.
When Carla was almost four years old, in August 1993, our family said good-bye to Cambodia and all of our dear friends, and returned to the US. And as they say, the rest is history….
Hana joined the family in 1996 to forever be Carla’s little sister!